New Projects

While exploring the world and cultural experiences have taken a rear seat now to the never ending slog that is uni work...my attention to turned has other things; Writing about what I love and hopefully turning a passion into bigger and better things.
If you like the sound of that then I ask you to join me over at The Hotbox
See you there.

The Year is over/Yankee doodle yay!

So the year is over, much has been learned, said and done.
A stereotype or too has been broken, and others proved to be rock-fucking-solid

They don't fuck around when it comes to parking

I've met some seriously cool people, seen some seriously cool things, taken shit loads of pictures and made friends I hope to keep forever. It really has been a massive year of achievements and new horizons....i mean i rode a bierbike for christ's sake....seriously A BIERBIKE....a bike....that you drink beer on....and ride all over Köln on.....causing shit tons of traffic related havoc.....awesome. 

Oh and Oktoberfest...fuck me that was an EXPERIENCE

And let's not forget the language....i've always had a thing for the german language....we'd been flirting for a while...like an on and off relationship i've kept coming back to and then losing heart for...but finally i've started to commit, we've shared interests and culture....so much so, that's its become a huge, integral  part of my life now (i have and am continuing to read interesting german books..arghh!). The relationship is serious now, lets just hope i can keep it together.

And, like I said....the culture has rooted itself in my life.....I crave currywurst, I constantly feel the need to greet and say goodbye to shopkeepers.....I cant even cross the road anymore unless the traffic lights tell me to. Not to mention the beer, oh the beer....now that's a love I will never break, and though I may owe the majority of my newfound bier knowledge to a lumberjack-like american from NJ, it doesnt detract from the fact that I am now a full blown beer nerd...if I don't taste Fosters/Calsberg shite lager for the next 3000 years it would still be too soon....bring me a trappist.

It's true....just don't ask them to dance

BUT as difficult as it is to face....the year of paid fun (it really was just that) is over. But before I have to go back to work and start feeling miserable....there's one more exciting journey coming up....

As i'm sure I may have mentioned (boasted) before....I'm off to America, the West Coast precisely, for two weeks off sightseeing, fastfood eating, kraft beer drinking and surfing my ass off. Tomorrow morning 7.30am and off I go. It's a whole new experience that I've been dieing to do and cannot wait for. Two weeks of west coast road trippin', shame it couldn't be more. AND even better, my flight out involves a stop over in Düsseldorf, so I can even satisfy my currywurst craving. I'm coming back to you germany, brief rest-stop though it may be.  

The joys of America await, and after that real life will begin again...well not until after another year (or two, three, eighteen?) of Leeds University Valhalla-life. The point being, that it may be some time before I am back in Germany for extended periods of time, thus I have decided to put this blog on hiatus. Don't worry I am far from done with it, this blog will simply become the place for me to record my future germany-related musings whether from the Fatherland itself, or wherever else I may end up. In the meantime a new blog has arisen....like a phoenix from an ashtray.....for more general ramblings about life, love, sense, work and travel, full of knowledge, wonder and speeling mistakes.....I suggest you see The Sandwich of Dreams 

In the meantime, bis später Deutschland, macht dir keine Sorge, wir sehen uns auf jeden. 

Hello California, where have you been all my life.............................bitches

Oh actually, both of you can fuck off

blogging

i need to blog

will blog soon.

not now though, i'm sleepy.

and tomorrow i'm going to get drunk on a boat! so no blogging then either.

oh dear god help me

but soon... maybe.....assuming i dont drown.....bitches...

#Oh....The weather outside, is weather#

So, its beautiful outside, the sun is shining, its the weekend.....i couldn't be happier. Well actually I could, I'd like to be in Münster for a certain Grahame's birthday....but unfortunately im broke and cant go...but at least this lovely weather is distracting me. So without further ado i'm going to go outside...ciao

BUT...one more thing, so i've started messing around with music again..finally and whacked a quick mix together...unfortunately its shamefully shabby...so its not going on my usual youtube channel, but its not bad for something I just kind of sat down and did spontaneously, without any prep or even much thought really.....and yes I know it shows....
Well nevermind, here it is anyway, let me know what you think kiddos
Oh and apologies for it being Electro House, I don't know why I just fancied using it for some reason.

Liebe bitches xxx

Mysteries of the Universe

As i sit here, eating a delicious, yet rather dry muffin from Netto, i'm forced to ponder a few mysteries that have been on my mind lately.

Mmm crappy Netto Muffin

Mystery no.1; In my particular area of Aachen there are quite the abundance of homeless people, wandering the streets looking for Pfand, booze and Kleingeld. Actually, there's pretty much an abundance all over Germany...as far as I can tell...but thats another story

Anyway, aside from the sheer number of them, another thing has been baffling me. Namely, where the hell are they getting all their puppies from? 

Everyday, these unemployed, homeless and therefore presumably poor chaps have another brand new, shiny puppy (normally a black lab or German Sheppard). How the fuck are they getting them? Who's breeding these dogs? Where are they getting the money to buy them/feed em etc

If you've ever had a dog, you'll know that they are fucking expensive, normally costing 300€ minimum just to buy one, then another 100€ minimum per month just to feed them.

$$$ Just like furry gold $$$

Now your first assumption might be that these homeless guys are the one's breeding the dogs, hell...maybe they even meet up to have puppy parties or something...frankly that would be awesome.

Or maybe your thinking, that they don't in fact feed these dogs well, and therefore save on costs at the expense of the dogs malnutritioned life....well that what i'd have thought too, if it weren't for the fact that these dogs look really healthy, seem really well trained and generally happy.

See...he's having a great time

Who knows? Perhaps these 'apparently' homeless people are actually highly successful dog breeders who have simply chosen the lifestyle of begging on the streets and drinking outside Rossmann....Speaking of which...

Mystery no.2; the local Penner in my area enjoy the simple pleasures in life, like drinking piss-lager whilst standing outside Rossmann and Netto in the freezing cold....with their dogs. 

Now even though I suppose they aren't doing any real harm, it still mistifies me that this group of 20 or so bums are allowed to just sit there, get wasted and occasionally shout obscenities at passers by...followed by haben vielleicht Sie Kleingeld? oder Pfandflasche?

It's not just tolerated, its almost encouraged:-

Anyone familiar with Netto will know just how bad the service can be in there...z.B only one till open while 30 people wait to pay and 3 other members of staff stand around stacking extra pork products or some such useless shit.

However, as i discovered yesterday, the bums have the power simply to grab whatever crappy bier they want, march right up to and empty counter and slur out a demand for immediate service, at which a member of staff will promptly come over, ring them up and then close the counter again.
ERM YOU WHAAAT?

Another valued Netto customer

The fact that they're supporting these blokes addiction is one thing...but actively encouraging it with special treatment? The mind boggles....I can only assume they do it to keep them sated, god forbid they sober up for even a second and get their lives together and...wash.........speaking of which..

Mystery no.3; When exactly did Laundromats (i.e Waschsalons) stop being cool? 

If Friends has taught me anything (and it certainly has taught us all a whole funkload) it's that launderettes are trendy social hubs where you can meet all kinds of people. 

Except that's not what its like for me at all, it's depressing, boring and basically a homeless shelter.

Why doesn't this ever happen in Aachen?

Even Cafe Waschsalon, the laundromat themed restaurant/bar in Köln, sucks and is always menschenleer. 

Having said that, Cleanicum (awesome name), the launderette/skate shop/cafe, is a pretty sweet combo that sells awesome stuff, like toast related clothing

I bought this T-shirt immediately

So there you have it...some mysteries have been pondered..kind of....actually this was more like another one of my mindless rants....but you know..scheisse darauf

 I finished my reading Russendisko the other day (cheers to Colin for lending me it) and it really inspired me to do some writing, hence this crappy post. I'l admit on read through its not one of my best, so once again I offer up pictures of puppies as a plea bargain or sorts.....

Weren't expecting these puppies, were you?

Still keeping it PG-13 Bitches! 

Give me teeth that are golden, so I may eat more (Kamelle)

Karneval was, quite frankly, an epic experience....an awesome 5 day party that overwhelmed the senses and allowed me to discover one thing about myself......god i'm getting old and can't keep up

Imagine it....Hundreds of thousands of germans, from early morning till...well....earlier morning, dressed up in costume and pissed up to their eyeballs, running around Köln in freezing (yet pleasantly sunny) March weather.

It's police dog on-a-little-fucking-bike mental

How they keep it up for 5 days, I just don't have the faintest idea. If I didn't know any better, I'd say hangovers dont exist in Germany at all....except I do know better and can say from personal experience that hangovers exist here and are some of the worst I have honestly ever had

Well...not quite this bad, more of a strong headache

As mad as Karneval was however, there was still something so distinctly German about it.

Now, i'm not just talking about the masses of sausage available and eaten everywhere, or the awful..awful music.....i'm not even talking about the terribly awkward way they all dance to the awful music.....terrible and awkward as it may be...

No, what i'm referring to is the scheduled nature of it all....everything is planned, right down to the tee. 

8.00 bis 9.00 - Frühstuck (Salmi und Brötchen)

9.00 bis 12.00 Party machen

12.00 bis 13.00 Mittagessen (Bratwurst und Brötchen)

13.00 bis 16.00 weiter Party machen

16.00 bis 16.10 Schnapps trinken

16.10 bis 18.00 Abendessen (Currywurst, Pommes und Sauerkraut)

18.00 bis 3.00 weiter Party machen

3.00 bis 8.00 Schläfchen

etc

Above is seriously what your average German schedule looked like, and they all definitely had schedules. They start planning next years Karneval immediately after the one before finishes. Costumes, who's coming, where they are going, table bookings, everything! All planned a whole year ahead. It's basically the only time they ever let they ever let loose....and yet it's still all rigorously controlled and planned.  That's why something like Karneval could never happen in Britain, we'd all be too busy partying to remember when it was happening. Then during Karneval itself there'd be chaos and violence as noone would know what to do...other than drink themselves stupid...the ensuing riots would probably cripple the whole country...maybe.

ARGHHH! WHAT'S HAPPENING! oooh there's booze, sweet! What were we doing?

I've talked about the "myth of efficiency" in Germany before, but Karneval really was efficient. The very minute it ended, the clean up teams moved right in and 2 hours later it was like it never happend. Everyone takes their costumes off, the streets are clean and glass free...all that's left are a few scaffold stands to be taken down. 

Having said that, the most amazing/sobering aspect of the whole 'long weekend' had to be the parades. There's nothing quite so sublime as seeing a woman dressed as a scarecrow, who frequently dives into a parade, mouth rapes a few marchers and then demands flowers from them (hell with a face like hers, she wasnt getting flowers any other time of the year)

Or better yet, watching thousands of successful, employed and (probably at one time) mature adults, screaming 'Kamalle!' and fighting with little children in order to get more sweets than them. 

The average age in this photo is....sadly...about 45

But I can't preach, I was filled with pride when I plucked a giant chocolate bar that was clearly destined for a group of kids, right out of the air and into my greedy hands (I must have done this like 15 times, each time with a bigger smile on my face)

And that's Karneval....Kamelle bitches! 

Standard apprehensive Karneval post

So I haven't been writing alot lately. I've been lacking the will and inspiration...probably due to a combination of being busy and....well quite content.
Honestly, I only tend to write when I have something to rant about, but since work has lately been more of the same old same old (läuft, mit dem gleichen, aber kleinen Frust wie immer)

Its easy once you learn the age old teacher's trick of sleeping through classes

Outside of work, life has been going exceptionally well, with lots of travel and excitement (and the corresponding poverty that goes with such excitement) Now you might think that would be inspiring, and in its own way, it is....but even I know, that me talking about how great everything is, doesn't make good reading...

Unfortunately, nobody is buying my paper....

So i've decided to take a break from rant focused writing, and start musing again in my entries. 

ALSO you may have noticed i've yet to say anything about Karneval, in my Karneval post.......Karneval

Well....as you may already know, its finally here, the celebration that Germany has been building up to since November. Will it live up to all expectations, I'm highly confident it will....what with the mix of cheap alcohol, costumes and multiple days off work already being a well proven, tried and tested combination.

Personally I can't wait to get to Köln and get back on the umsonst Bier. I'm also buzzin to go back to Papierfabrik, one of the best and most unique clubs i've ever been to....Its a shame however that it will unfortunately be shutting down soon....so I aim to make the most of it while its there.

So let Karneval begin, i'm off...(crappy caveman costume and all) and ready to experience my first taste of Karneval this very evening, although awkwardly Karneval begins for me in Aachen....at my school....at the Karneval Fete/Teacher's party....oh well how bad could it be..

I searched googleimages for "crap party", but frankly this looks epic

Oche Alaaf!

P.S On read through of my 20 mins quatsch I have become even more aware this post wasn't very funny, its lazy...my bad. I promise entries will be back their normal cleverness soon....in the meantime here's something I found recently when trying to teach my Oberstufe class about Shakespeare's sonnetts

Indeed they love em..

Ausgefallen

Einmal, bitte nur einmal, wenn die Stunde ausgefallen ist, sagt mir vor ich bin an der Schule gekommen.


Above (grammar errors and all) is what i should have said today. Once again, a lesson has been cancelled and no one thought to tell me til the last possible moment.  Typisch


Now i'm not going to lie, every time I find out a lesson is cancelled, there is a little 'thrill' of 'early freedom' to it. But still, its annoying....walking all the way to school...for nothing...then walking all the way back.
Its just a waste of my precious time, time in which i could have been fucking about doing lots of that important work I have.

Today is no exception, especially since I'd been in school all morning, basically being verarscht and treated like a substitute teacher all day, only then to come back to school in the afternoon, for absolutely no reason.....still I suppose its a blessing, since I really had kein mehr Bock for that last lesson.

Nothing left to do now but go home and get stoned complete many useful tasks and accomplish a lot.

Now there's a happy teacher

Actually, fuck it....what do i care? The weekend is almost here and i'm going to Venice bitches!

Liebe xx

Graffiti Goodness

Say what you like about the Germans, but they know street art. I've been out and about and....well, travelling a great deal lately and generally experiencing cities that are a little more trendy, exciting, 'vintage fun with a new age feely' than Aachen.....basically much more bourgois, or at least less nerdy

NOT what i meant by 'nerdy Aachen', thanks Google Images

As i said, i've been awfully metropolitan of late, in mostly in Bonn, Münster & Köln , which has been doing a fantastic job of satisfying my Reiselust....or some sort of Lust at least. But either way my exposure to some of the more subtle Kultur of my generation deutschland has been off the charts...you know the kind, those charts your average Bauingenieur student in Aachen seems to make for fun 

Like this...but funnier...wakawaka

Without further adieu here are some of the best expressions of modern german society that i've seen on the street. 

Interpret as you will....then google image the pope *shudder*

For more super fun pictures head on over my Tings from Deutschland album, its classy and shamelessly self promoted...so you know its good

In other news i've started reading german books in an effort to learn a bit more and....*shock/horror*...i've actually been enjoying it, so much so that it's inspired me to start writing again. I haven't blogged recently for lack of anything to moan about (well nothing amusing at least)  but look out for more entries as i become more and more inspired and dare per chance to do something a bit different....creative even. No doubt my further travels will encourage this, especially since I have been booking travels and flights left, right and center. Exciting stuff!

Now to bring the slightly too cultured/happy/mature tone of this post down a peg, i'd like to talk briefly about one particular german custom, which cute as it may be...is starting to nerven. 

As you may already know, dear reader, the germans...bless them... really love their dogs and for the most part this is an awfully süsse and frankly impressive example of man's relationship with our canine best friends...especially considering how well behaved/trained these dogs are, casually sautering through shopping malls (h&m), restaurants and trendy bars...all while sporting the latest in doggy fashion.

Sanchez here seen modelling the latest Brooklyn 70s revival....and a lovely golden coat.

Now this is all well and good, except for one common consequence of 100s of dogs roaming the streets, dogs without oposable thumbs, with a devil may care 'i don't give a fuck' attitude, and owners that care more about what labels their dog is wearing than themselves...can you guess what it is yet?

Erm well...close enough

Yep its all over the fucking streets of Aachen, and the last thing you need to see on a 7.30am walk to school. 

On much the same topic (S.H.I.T), the excuses for teachers getting me to take their lessons for them are know reaching interestingly lazy proportions, today's for example;

"Can you teach the class alone today, Ali...because I have to go to a volleyball game , it's students again teachers!"

Come on now, your not even trying to make them sound important anymore, at least humor me that you give a shit about teaching your own classes. 

Well it could be worse, at least noone in my school has starting sporting empty frames and movember style moustaches, two urbanite disasters that have recently started to hit the aforementioned trendy cities in this blog.....and we all know what that results in...we've had it for like 2 years now in England, come on sing it with me;

"I play synth......we all play synth......"

Ahh hell I can't talk, I just stocked up this weekend on cardigans, fancy/gay jumpers and a shiny new pair of brogues....dammit Jen! :P

Oh my minty goodness that was an essay, ich verspreche shorter entries in the future.
Peace bitches!